Last week I became surgically attached to my swivel chair and barely left the house due to an impending deadline. I hand wrote this post to distract myself and I’ve only just felt okay with going anywhere near my laptop to post it.
In the middle of deadline chaos, I received a phone call from my mum, starting with a barrage of questions going something like this; ‘How’s it going? Have you slept? Have you eaten? Have you left the house? Have you even showered?!!’
My honest answer? ‘At least I’ve been eating well?’. Come on, we’ve all been there, in the dark depths of deadline, it’s currently 7pm, I’m still in my PJ’s, haven’t left the house for two days and I’m surrounded by bits of paper. In my breaks, i.e. when I take time to stare out the window, I’ve considered the best ways to make it through deadline week and here are my best tips:
1. Eat. Eat like a king.
Snack, take regular meal breaks, really, just eat until the point that you’ll obese by the time you hand in. Food is the cure for everything, my friends. My flatmate even came home earlier, asked me how I was and took one look at the pile of dishes and said ‘Well… at least you’ve been eating well!’.
2. Clean anything you can find.
For me, this only applies to specific areas of the house. My bedroom becomes a tip, but the kitchen becomes spotless. That aforementioned pile of dishes is no more. (Okay, maybe only until the next meal break).
3. Snapchat the shit out of boredom.
Work always drives me to be a bit mental and I’ve been told my snapchats have been of particular high quality during those moments, I’ll let you judge for yourself below. Also, even if you continually send ‘I want to throw myself off a cliff’ type snaps, your friends may get bored but it’s a good piece of entertainment for you.
4. Ring your parents.
This might just apply to me, but this week each time I’ve rung either of my parents it has given me the lols / inspiration to help me continue.
Papa SJW, who goes for the inspiration angle:
‘You don’t half work hard when it comes down to it’ (he was so proud, what a cutie)
and my particular favourite: ‘I can see you becoming the next Richard Branson’.
Momma SJW, pure lols here: ‘Well maybe I’ll come visit you for Valentine’s Day, now your sweetheart has moved to New York’. HOW MANY TIMES, MUM! My best friend is not my boyfriend. He’s also not a particular fan of the female form…
5. Have a good supply of pj’s / comfy clothes
Nothing worse than running low on pj’s over deadline week. Live in them and be proud about it, after all, you’re working your tits off. Who has time to get dressed?
6. Position your desk near a window.
No, I’m not going all feng shui on you, the entertainment out my window has been incredible at getting me through work. Just the other day I witnessed a smooth drug deal involving throwing the packet from a bike into an awaiting open car window. Nothing says drama and excitement more than a drug deal!
7. Get a hilarious flatmate.
Last year deadline weeks involved ice cube fights indoors, 3AM pizza breaks and rants / crying about life. This year, my current flatmate entertains me with her quotes of the day, highlights have included:
My flatmate accidentally washing up her mug with a sponge I’d used to clean the toilet…
Her doubting what I was doing when I said I was shutting the door of my bedroom to do my typing… I’m not sure what else she suspected I was doing? (Any ideas please post them to me on the back of a postcard.)
‘It’s just a dog-eat-dog world when it comes to library books’.
8. Finally, get your landlord to knock on your door to tell you there’s been a break in.
Okay, so this probably can’t be staged, but yes, my deadline week consisted of this. DRAMAAAA. It’s quite a funny story really, we went from pooping our pants that someone was going to break in at any moment and frantically locking the windows, to finding out the suspect open skylight had just been opened by the fire precaution button in the corridor. Oopsy Daisy.
I’ve finished on a ridiculous number, but hey ho, hope it helped you procrastinate. Good luck to those of you out there also struggling through deadlines. You can do it.