It’s that time of year again where a large proportion of twenty-somethings emerge from their cave of a bedroom, having completed their dissertations and ready for the best summer EVER. With reminders round every corner that this time last year it was me; I’ve started to realise that I sound like a wise old woman preaching my pearls of wisdom to anybody about to face the ‘real world’. It only makes sense to jump back on the blogging bandwagon and pass on these pearls of wisdom I’ve learnt about facing the big bad real world. Or maybe just laugh at how ridiculous my life has been in the last year, I’m not sure which (most likely the latter).
SJW’s Pearls of Wisdom on Adulthood:
1. Prepare yourself now to mourn the loss of weekday nights out. You’ll maybe manage the occasional Thursday, but for real, whoever said that Thursday is the new Friday had obviously never had to experience the pain of staring at Excel with a hangover.
2. Sassy schoolgirl antics are just a dream; Office Politics are out to get ya.
The aim of the game? Don’t play it. 💁
3. Tax is the biggest b*tch you’ll ever meet.
Cry now for all the money you’ll never see. 👋
4. You will never EVER be prepared for the utterly horrendous moment that Student Loans send you a statement of everything you owe. With interest. The ugly big brother of your bank statement; nothing can be more horrific than the subtotal at the bottom of the first page being over 20 grand and knowing you have to turn over for more. 👻🙈🙈🙈
5. This one depends on what career you take. Anything vaguely creative? Penniless, living off pasta and poorer than your wildest dreams. But hey, your job sounds cool. (At least that’s what I keep telling myself). Anything else? Well I’m not sure I can actually imagine an entry level job with a starting salary above even a living wage (fashion is just so out there with thinking that people don’t actually need a wage, right?) but props to you all that did, for being widely sensible and actually listening when your parents said to get a job that pays well.
6. You’ll think this on the daily:
7. There is no greater joy on this planet than turning your alarm off on a Friday night.
8. It really freaks your parents out when you call them and talk about all the adult things you have achieved. I think my family are still in shock that I can be vaguely practical. Okay, maybe an overstatement, they’re probably just shocked I’m still alive.
9. You’ll be perpetually tired and perpetually busy at all times. Without question.
Meetings really bring this to reality; you’re sat there on one hand considering if you can shut your eyes without anyone noticing, but also silently screaming ‘Just make a decision, I am too busy for this!’
10. Weekend inequality is the real issue we should all be campaigning for.
Who on earth decided that I should spend 5 days in the office and only two out having lolz with the squad? I can’t possibly have a lie in, go on an adventure, party and do all my life admin in 48 hours!?! SO. UNFAIR.
Aaand finally, the real gem: Nobody has their 💩 together. We can all try but really, Google is our saviour.
Who really knows what’s the best electricity tariff to be on. Who doesn’t cook themselves fish fingers and chips when they can’t be bothered to make a proper meal. Who really makes their bed every single day!? For real, who doesn’t trip up on a daily basis, spend most of their money for the month on a festival ticket, live off cereal to save money on lunch and whack their car’s wing mirror on a tree? Because I can definitely put my hands up and say, all of the above has happened to me… (And that’s just in the last month).
Here’s to being not a girl, but not yet a woman. 🍸
Over and out,
P.s. Sorry Mum. I’ll try and cut down the phone calls asking for advice on my latest life crisis.