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WERK WERK WERK: Put em in the dirt.

This is my third draft today. I wanted to write a list of sassy girlboss quotes because I feel like I could take over the World today, but then I realised we all have Pinterest for that. So here’s an old post I hand wrote on the train to Plym a couple months ago, accompanied by a McDonald’s and sat next to a man reading his bible.

This January, I started a new job and with it, the realisation that I’m on countdown to being a full-time working gal for two whole years. The notion of this both makes me sound like a legit adult, whilst simultaneously want to run back under my duvet to hide and pretend that life doesn’t exist.

My legit full-time job count has hit a grand total of 3. A number that’s probably pretty scary for one of those frumpy careers advisors who tell you that a job is for life. Mine didn’t even understand the concept of working in fashion or that a ‘Fashion Buyer’ didn’t just mean I wanted to go shopping full time, so there’s that.

The rollercoaster of jobs have provided me with my fair share of tears and lols, so here’s a list of my ‘learns’ for all of you in this ‘not sure what I’m doing with my life’ shaped boat:

      1. You will believe you can take over the world on a daily / weekly basis.
        Know something your manager didn’t? Finish everything on that epic to-do list? Gurl, you’re killing it.Point 1
      2. You will cry.
        At your desk, in the toilets, to your boss in a meeting, maybe just a private tear shed at home. Work. Is. Tough.Crying
      3. Polite conversation rules:
        Monday – Tuesday: How was your weekend?
        Wednesday: Jesus, this week has felt long. / Weekend soon!
        Thursday – Friday: What are your plans this weekend?
        At all times: The temperature of the office.
        REPEAT.
      4. You will fantasise about throwing your keyboard at your bosses head. 
        Because your inner sass queen has to be unleashed some time, right?
        sass queen
      5. You will become ever more creative with your excuses for being late.
        I got sucked down the plughole when I was showering and had to climb my way out? That’s definitely why my hair still hasn’t dried.
        FullSizeRender
      6. Free office snacks are THE ONE.
        Let alone blagging a free dinner – THE DREAM.
        free pizza
      7. You will have a work husband / wife.
        The Tina Fey to your Amy Poehler, you’re the comedy Kings and Queens of the office.
        sisters
      8. You’ll find the best hiding places to text / watch tv / snapchat.
        Because nobody has time for 110% concentration all day. Unless a potential new employer is reading this… If so, please erase this point from your memory.
      9. At some point, there will be major work dramz.
        From people getting fired, to redundancy to your start-up not getting funding. You’ll never be prepared and it’ll probably happen when you’re on holiday.
      10. Meetings.
        You’ll flip between loving that they’re a waste of an hour to loathing not being at your desk and actually being productive.
        family guy work
      11. The pure joy of achieving something is beyond expectation.
        And it’ll sound like no biggie to anyone you tell. (If they’re good friends, they’ll still pretend to be interested / impressed that your tweet went viral, you made a snazzy spreadsheet or that you tidied your desk.)
        achievement
      12. Endorsements on LinkedIn are somehow addictive.
        And are also my new favourite joke. Good at snacking? Endorse me on LinkedIn or it doesn’t count, bbz.
      13. You’ll fantasise about leaving, but the thought of applying for jobs is too much. 
      14. The salad days.
        No matter how ready you feel you were to move on, you’ll always look back on the lolz, your work family and the perks with a rose-tinted shade of fondness. And then reality hits when you remember all those times you wanted to shut your head in the photocopier out of sheer rage.
        work

Peace out,
SJW x

 

 

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10 things I hate about you.

SJW is back from across the pond! People keep asking me how it was and I literally can’t sum it up any better than ‘It was amazing!’ which feels like a bit of an understatement. It was genuinely the best month of my life.

I planned on blogging about each place as I went around but… that went out of the window. I mean I did have a lot on my mind… like deciding what type of food I wanted for my next meal. And where the nearest Urban Outfitters was.

So that I don’t make you all too jealous (ha that sounds so up myself), I’ve decided to blog about the things I hated the most about America. This actually came out of a conversation I had with the family we stayed with in Philadelphia (yep, still find it hard to spell that), when during dinner we were faced with the question ‘so everybody asks what you loved the most, but I want to know the one thing you hate the most about America?’. So here goes, apparently my response was pretty funny:

1. Automatic Flushes on Toilets.
I have so much hatred for them! And yes I brought this up at a dinner table haha. But seriously, do they ever flush when you want them to!? You walk in; they flush. You sit down; they flush. You stand up; they don’t frigging flush. And there you are with a wet bum, flailing around like an idiot trying to get the stupid thing to flush. Just give me a button to press at least!

2. Accent Issues
I grew to love the hilarious blank stares I got when I was speaking and the person had no idea what I was talking about. It was actually really interesting to find out what words just don’t translate. Too much crisp / chips / fries confusion.

3. I ❤ America
All jokes about American deriving from English and how therefore we’re the best aside, is there really any need for so many American flags hanging about? I haven’t forgotten what country I’m in…

wpid-snapchat-20140621111508.jpg

4. The amount of tramps in San Francisco.
On a really boring political note, the wealth divide in America is actually quite shocking. Like yo, what is up with that Barack? However, whilst in San Fran I was happily walking along the street when a tramp started following me, shouting at me asking if I had any tissue. Maybe hayfever was really hitting him bad, but he was going pretty psycho about the tissue. I didn’t have any tissue and I was scared of his reaction. But then he harassed someone else for tissue and my Kleenex were safe. I also witnessed a man getting arrested in Bloomingdales for shoplifting (OOO draaaaamaaa).

5. The lack of vegetables.
I just wanted a good roast dinner.

Okay I’m done with the hating. Here’s a few things I loved:

1. 7-11
I need one of these in the UK. It’s basically a corner shop full of snacks. Okay, the hot dogs constantly cooking by the till slightly gross me out (A cheeseburger hot dog, seriously America!?). However, I am craving a slurpee; these incred slush puppy like drinks but in actual good flavours. Like Fanta Fruit Twist and Coke. I’m also a fan of the 99 cent Big Gulp soda machine. (They have good names, right?).

2. Food Food Food
Burgers. Pizza. Burritos. Chicken. Milkshakes. I think I still dream about some of the meals I had. My food highlight was San Francisco and this place called Limon, who served whole rotisserie chickens, with two sides and three dips for $22. It was some of the best chicken I’ve ever tasted. If you’re in San Francisco, go there.

3. Evening dips in the ocean.
One of my favourite memories of the trip is from Venice Beach. It was our last evening; I went for a stroll whilst the sun set, AJP went for a run. When we met up, the sea felt warm enough to actually get in it. Being so yolo and all, both fully clothed we ran in. I cannot explain how incredible it was. It’s moments like that which make travelling so worth it you know.

wpid-dsc_0156.jpg

4. San Diego Zoo
There was a cable car across the top of the entire zoo. We saw a Giant Panda wake up, do a massive poo and go straight back to sleep. We saw two turtles mating. Need I say more?

San Diego Zoo

5. I never wanted the adventure to end.
In case I didn’t say it enough, I loved exploring and I loved doing it with the person I’ve missed most over the past year. It made me realise how well we know each other and how that really hasn’t changed even though we’ve been apart; and for that I couldn’t be any more grateful. I’m only being nice because I know he won’t actually bother to read my post this far. There’s still so many places I want to visit; I’m so jealous of everyone only just jetting off on their own adventures!

For me though, it’s on to the ‘Find-a-Job Adventure’…

SJW x