I’ve been reading a lot of hilarious blog posts recently on the ‘twenty-something life crisis’ and it’s inspired me into blogging about it myself. I did the official graduation jazz a couple of weeks ago now, and I’m going to put in a picture of my dress because, quite frankly, I loved it. (It’s from H&M in case you wondered, mega-bargain of the century).
So that’s my posing over with, how’s the big dark doom of life after graduation? Well, it’s definitely a whole new rollercoaster adventure. I’m not going to lie, it’s tough out there. I’ve become a legit traveller woman, for the past 3 months I haven’t been in one place longer than a week and a half; I’ve become a pro at packing a suitcase at high speed, running for trains and sleeping where ever is possible. It’s hectic, but all that travelling is giving me time to plan how I’m going to conquer the world.
So here’s my list of all the signs of a Graduate life-crisis:
1. If one more person asks you what your plans are next, you’ll scream at them.
2. You’re so bored of writing cover letters that you just want to send ‘PLEASE EMPLOY ME, I’M AMAZING’ and hope it still gets you a job.
3. You’re amazed at how much competition there is for proper jobs. Like, where are all these people coming from? 600 applicants in 2 hours, is that even for real!?
4. You’ll be equally amazed at how many jobs there are in recruitment. Where are all the jobs these people are recruiting for? How is that actually a thing?
5. You become ridiculously savvy at knowing which job adverts are just covering up ‘sales’ (cold calling) jobs. I was never aware that cold-calling was marketing. And who even buys stuff from cold-callers these days!? Ridiculous.
6. You begin to contemplate ridiculous careers. Dog walker for the rest of my life? Yeah, I can do that. They won’t mind that I’m not an animal person, right?
7. The joy of getting good news feels better than you imagine getting married / having your first child will be.
8. Someone mentions taking a Masters and you think back to the dark, dissertation days and shudder. Never, ever am I going through that again.
9. Money: You have none. You have to go back to the teenage days of begging your parents for a tenner so you can live.
10. You dream of your first pay-check. You then see the average salaries and cry at how you’ll be a penniless tramp.
11. The whole ’employment status / occupation’ box on forms brings on a whole new crisis. You can’t quite bring yourself to write unemployed. That’s only a temporary thing, right? I was actually signing up to the doctors today and they asked me on the form; so I put my occupation as ‘Graduate’, like it’s an actual thing. I look for jobs and I write letters telling people how amazing I am and how I deserve a job, whilst crying at how bad the competition is. Definite legit career.
12. There will be a lot of ladytears shed. It’s a life crisis, you have to cry. Sometimes you aren’t sure why.
13. The pure confusion of, just, life. Where will I live? Do I or do I not apply for this job? Will I be able to afford to live? What skills do I have for this job? Will I ever get a job? How do people ever go to the bother of changing jobs once they have one? WHAT IS LIFE?!
14. As you apply for a job, you begin planning your whole life if you got it. It seems like bliss. Then, application done, dream over. Next application, next dream life.
15. Your parents suggest careers for you. You wonder if they ever even listened to what you did at uni. Do you not understand my dreams!? Am I adopted? Who even are you!?
16. Moving back in with your parents. Actually I think this needs a whole blog post to itself.
17. Those over-wordy job descriptions are just hell in themselves.
18. The hatred you develop for the generic ‘Due to the large amount of applications, if you’re unsuccessful, we will not be able to let you know’. You may have put your heart and soul into that application, but nah, soz, bit busy to let you know you haven’t got it.
19. The jobs that ask for ‘Recent graduates with at least [what seems like 10 years] experience’. I was at university, how did you expect me to work full time too!? I’m not silly, I have a decent amount of experience, but equally, it sometimes feels like jobs want you to have experienced enough to be qualified for a managerial role yet it’s still entry level. Bizarre.
20. The wonder of if you’re the only one going through this. Then you look at the ridiculous numbers of applicants and laugh to yourself that you could not possibly be joined by more people, attached to their laptops, scrolling pages of potential jobs and despairing. That’s the reality of your problem.
21. The hatred for the words ‘job’ and ‘application’.
So basically, the graduate life consists of a lot of confusion, realisations of how poor you’ll be, how competitive the world is and how you need to escape moving back home. If you’re in this situation then I guess the crux of the crisis is that it will all work out. If you’re determined enough, you can make your own path and trot on down it like the superstar you are (girlpower inspiration at it’s best there). So keep your head up and enjoy having the time to catch up on all those things you missed whilst writing dissertation. The despair is real… But keep doing your thaaang.