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WERK WERK WERK: Put em in the dirt.

This is my third draft today. I wanted to write a list of sassy girlboss quotes because I feel like I could take over the World today, but then I realised we all have Pinterest for that. So here’s an old post I hand wrote on the train to Plym a couple months ago, accompanied by a McDonald’s and sat next to a man reading his bible.

This January, I started a new job and with it, the realisation that I’m on countdown to being a full-time working gal for two whole years. The notion of this both makes me sound like a legit adult, whilst simultaneously want to run back under my duvet to hide and pretend that life doesn’t exist.

My legit full-time job count has hit a grand total of 3. A number that’s probably pretty scary for one of those frumpy careers advisors who tell you that a job is for life. Mine didn’t even understand the concept of working in fashion or that a ‘Fashion Buyer’ didn’t just mean I wanted to go shopping full time, so there’s that.

The rollercoaster of jobs have provided me with my fair share of tears and lols, so here’s a list of my ‘learns’ for all of you in this ‘not sure what I’m doing with my life’ shaped boat:

      1. You will believe you can take over the world on a daily / weekly basis.
        Know something your manager didn’t? Finish everything on that epic to-do list? Gurl, you’re killing it.Point 1
      2. You will cry.
        At your desk, in the toilets, to your boss in a meeting, maybe just a private tear shed at home. Work. Is. Tough.Crying
      3. Polite conversation rules:
        Monday – Tuesday: How was your weekend?
        Wednesday: Jesus, this week has felt long. / Weekend soon!
        Thursday – Friday: What are your plans this weekend?
        At all times: The temperature of the office.
        REPEAT.
      4. You will fantasise about throwing your keyboard at your bosses head. 
        Because your inner sass queen has to be unleashed some time, right?
        sass queen
      5. You will become ever more creative with your excuses for being late.
        I got sucked down the plughole when I was showering and had to climb my way out? That’s definitely why my hair still hasn’t dried.
        FullSizeRender
      6. Free office snacks are THE ONE.
        Let alone blagging a free dinner – THE DREAM.
        free pizza
      7. You will have a work husband / wife.
        The Tina Fey to your Amy Poehler, you’re the comedy Kings and Queens of the office.
        sisters
      8. You’ll find the best hiding places to text / watch tv / snapchat.
        Because nobody has time for 110% concentration all day. Unless a potential new employer is reading this… If so, please erase this point from your memory.
      9. At some point, there will be major work dramz.
        From people getting fired, to redundancy to your start-up not getting funding. You’ll never be prepared and it’ll probably happen when you’re on holiday.
      10. Meetings.
        You’ll flip between loving that they’re a waste of an hour to loathing not being at your desk and actually being productive.
        family guy work
      11. The pure joy of achieving something is beyond expectation.
        And it’ll sound like no biggie to anyone you tell. (If they’re good friends, they’ll still pretend to be interested / impressed that your tweet went viral, you made a snazzy spreadsheet or that you tidied your desk.)
        achievement
      12. Endorsements on LinkedIn are somehow addictive.
        And are also my new favourite joke. Good at snacking? Endorse me on LinkedIn or it doesn’t count, bbz.
      13. You’ll fantasise about leaving, but the thought of applying for jobs is too much. 
      14. The salad days.
        No matter how ready you feel you were to move on, you’ll always look back on the lolz, your work family and the perks with a rose-tinted shade of fondness. And then reality hits when you remember all those times you wanted to shut your head in the photocopier out of sheer rage.
        work

Peace out,
SJW x

 

 

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That Graduate life crisis.

I’ve been reading a lot of hilarious blog posts recently on the ‘twenty-something life crisis’ and it’s inspired me into blogging about it myself. I did the official graduation jazz a couple of weeks ago now, and I’m going to put in a picture of my dress because, quite frankly, I loved it. (It’s from H&M in case you wondered, mega-bargain of the century).

IMG_1519

So that’s my posing over with, how’s the big dark doom of life after graduation? Well, it’s definitely a whole new rollercoaster adventure. I’m not going to lie, it’s tough out there. I’ve become a legit traveller woman, for the past 3 months I haven’t been in one place longer than a week and a half; I’ve become a pro at packing a suitcase at high speed, running for trains and sleeping where ever is possible. It’s hectic, but all that travelling is giving me time to plan how I’m going to conquer the world.

So here’s my list of all the signs of a Graduate life-crisis:

1. If one more person asks you what your plans are next, you’ll scream at them.

2. You’re so bored of writing cover letters that you just want to send ‘PLEASE EMPLOY ME, I’M AMAZING’ and hope it still gets you a job.

3. You’re amazed at how much competition there is for proper jobs. Like, where are all these people coming from? 600 applicants in 2 hours, is that even for real!?

4. You’ll be equally amazed at how many jobs there are in recruitment. Where are all the jobs these people are recruiting for? How is that actually a thing?

5. You become ridiculously savvy at knowing which job adverts are just covering up ‘sales’ (cold calling) jobs. I was never aware that cold-calling was marketing. And who even buys stuff from cold-callers these days!? Ridiculous.

6. You begin to contemplate ridiculous careers. Dog walker for the rest of my life? Yeah, I can do that. They won’t mind that I’m not an animal person, right?

7. The joy of getting good news feels better than you imagine getting married / having your first child will be.

8. Someone mentions taking a Masters and you think back to the dark, dissertation days and shudder. Never, ever am I going through that again.

9. Money: You have none. You have to go back to the teenage days of begging your parents for a tenner so you can live.

10. You dream of your first pay-check. You then see the average salaries and cry at how you’ll be a penniless tramp.

11. The whole ’employment status / occupation’ box on forms brings on a whole new crisis. You can’t quite bring yourself to write unemployed. That’s only a temporary thing, right? I was actually signing up to the doctors today and they asked me on the form; so I put my occupation as ‘Graduate’, like it’s an actual thing. I look for jobs and I write letters telling people how amazing I am and how I deserve a job, whilst crying at how bad the competition is. Definite legit career.

12. There will be a lot of ladytears shed. It’s a life crisis, you have to cry. Sometimes you aren’t sure why.

13. The pure confusion of, just, life. Where will I live? Do I or do I not apply for this job? Will I be able to afford to live? What skills do I have for this job? Will I ever get a job? How do people ever go to the bother of changing jobs once they have one? WHAT IS LIFE?!

14. As you apply for a job, you begin planning your whole life if you got it. It seems like bliss. Then, application done, dream over. Next application, next dream life.

15. Your parents suggest careers for you. You wonder if they ever even listened to what you did at uni. Do you not understand my dreams!? Am I adopted? Who even are you!?

16. Moving back in with your parents. Actually I think this needs a whole blog post to itself.

17. Those over-wordy job descriptions are just hell in themselves.

18. The hatred you develop for the generic ‘Due to the large amount of applications, if you’re unsuccessful, we will not be able to let you know’. You may have put your heart and soul into that application, but nah, soz, bit busy to let you know you haven’t got it.

19. The jobs that ask for ‘Recent graduates with at least [what seems like 10 years] experience’. I was at university, how did you expect me to work full time too!? I’m not silly, I have a decent amount of experience, but equally, it sometimes feels like jobs want you to have experienced enough to be qualified for a managerial role yet it’s still entry level. Bizarre.

20. The wonder of if you’re the only one going through this. Then you look at the ridiculous numbers of applicants and laugh to yourself that you could not possibly be joined by more people, attached to their laptops, scrolling pages of potential jobs and despairing. That’s the reality of your problem.

21. The hatred for the words ‘job’ and ‘application’.

So basically, the graduate life consists of a lot of confusion, realisations of how poor you’ll be, how competitive the world is and how you need to escape moving back home. If you’re in this situation then I guess the crux of the crisis is that it will all work out. If you’re determined enough, you can make your own path and trot on down it like the superstar you are (girlpower inspiration at it’s best there). So keep your head up and enjoy having the time to catch up on all those things you missed whilst writing dissertation. The despair is real… But keep doing your thaaang.

SJW x