WERK WERK WERK: Put em in the dirt.

This is my third draft today. I wanted to write a list of sassy girlboss quotes because I feel like I could take over the World today, but then I realised we all have Pinterest for that. So here’s an old post I hand wrote on the train to Plym a couple months ago, accompanied by a McDonald’s and sat next to a man reading his bible.

This January, I started a new job and with it, the realisation that I’m on countdown to being a full-time working gal for two whole years. The notion of this both makes me sound like a legit adult, whilst simultaneously want to run back under my duvet to hide and pretend that life doesn’t exist.

My legit full-time job count has hit a grand total of 3. A number that’s probably pretty scary for one of those frumpy careers advisors who tell you that a job is for life. Mine didn’t even understand the concept of working in fashion or that a ‘Fashion Buyer’ didn’t just mean I wanted to go shopping full time, so there’s that.

The rollercoaster of jobs have provided me with my fair share of tears and lols, so here’s a list of my ‘learns’ for all of you in this ‘not sure what I’m doing with my life’ shaped boat:

      1. You will believe you can take over the world on a daily / weekly basis.
        Know something your manager didn’t? Finish everything on that epic to-do list? Gurl, you’re killing it.Point 1
      2. You will cry.
        At your desk, in the toilets, to your boss in a meeting, maybe just a private tear shed at home. Work. Is. Tough.Crying
      3. Polite conversation rules:
        Monday – Tuesday: How was your weekend?
        Wednesday: Jesus, this week has felt long. / Weekend soon!
        Thursday – Friday: What are your plans this weekend?
        At all times: The temperature of the office.
      4. You will fantasise about throwing your keyboard at your bosses head. 
        Because your inner sass queen has to be unleashed some time, right?
        sass queen
      5. You will become ever more creative with your excuses for being late.
        I got sucked down the plughole when I was showering and had to climb my way out? That’s definitely why my hair still hasn’t dried.
      6. Free office snacks are THE ONE.
        Let alone blagging a free dinner – THE DREAM.
        free pizza
      7. You will have a work husband / wife.
        The Tina Fey to your Amy Poehler, you’re the comedy Kings and Queens of the office.
      8. You’ll find the best hiding places to text / watch tv / snapchat.
        Because nobody has time for 110% concentration all day. Unless a potential new employer is reading this… If so, please erase this point from your memory.
      9. At some point, there will be major work dramz.
        From people getting fired, to redundancy to your start-up not getting funding. You’ll never be prepared and it’ll probably happen when you’re on holiday.
      10. Meetings.
        You’ll flip between loving that they’re a waste of an hour to loathing not being at your desk and actually being productive.
        family guy work
      11. The pure joy of achieving something is beyond expectation.
        And it’ll sound like no biggie to anyone you tell. (If they’re good friends, they’ll still pretend to be interested / impressed that your tweet went viral, you made a snazzy spreadsheet or that you tidied your desk.)
      12. Endorsements on LinkedIn are somehow addictive.
        And are also my new favourite joke. Good at snacking? Endorse me on LinkedIn or it doesn’t count, bbz.
      13. You’ll fantasise about leaving, but the thought of applying for jobs is too much. 
      14. The salad days.
        No matter how ready you feel you were to move on, you’ll always look back on the lolz, your work family and the perks with a rose-tinted shade of fondness. And then reality hits when you remember all those times you wanted to shut your head in the photocopier out of sheer rage.

Peace out,




This Whole Being an Adult Thing.

It’s that time of year again where a large proportion of twenty-somethings emerge from their cave of a bedroom, having completed their dissertations and ready for the best summer EVER. With reminders round every corner that this time last year it was me; I’ve started to realise that I sound like a wise old woman preaching my pearls of wisdom to anybody about to face the ‘real world’. It only makes sense to jump back on the blogging bandwagon and pass on these pearls of wisdom I’ve learnt about facing the big bad real world. Or maybe just laugh at how ridiculous my life has been in the last year, I’m not sure which (most likely the latter).

SJW’s Pearls of Wisdom on Adulthood:
1.  Prepare yourself now to mourn the loss of weekday nights out. You’ll maybe manage the occasional Thursday, but for real, whoever said that Thursday is the new Friday had obviously never had to experience the pain of staring at Excel with a hangover.

2. Sassy schoolgirl antics are just a dream; Office Politics are out to get ya.
The aim of the game? Don’t play it. 💁

3. Tax is the biggest b*tch you’ll ever meet.
Cry now for all the money you’ll never see. 👋

4. You will never EVER be prepared for the utterly horrendous moment that Student Loans send you a statement of everything you owe. With interest. The ugly big brother of your bank statement; nothing can be more horrific than the subtotal at the bottom of the first page being over 20 grand and knowing you have to turn over for more. 👻🙈🙈🙈

5. This one depends on what career you take. Anything vaguely creative? Penniless, living off pasta and poorer than your wildest dreams. But hey, your job sounds cool. (At least that’s what I keep telling myself). Anything else? Well I’m not sure I can actually imagine an entry level job with a starting salary above even a living wage (fashion is just so out there with thinking that people don’t actually need a wage, right?) but props to you all that did, for being widely sensible and actually listening when your parents said to get a job that pays well.

6. You’ll think this on the daily:


7. There is no greater joy on this planet than turning your alarm off on a Friday night.


8. It really freaks your parents out when you call them and talk about all the adult things you have achieved. I think my family are still in shock that I can be vaguely practical. Okay, maybe an overstatement, they’re probably just shocked I’m still alive.

9. You’ll be perpetually tired and perpetually busy at all times. Without question.
Meetings really bring this to reality; you’re sat there on one hand considering if you can shut your eyes without anyone noticing, but also silently screaming ‘Just make a decision, I am too busy for this!’

10. Weekend inequality is the real issue we should all be campaigning for.
Who on earth decided that I should spend 5 days in the office and only two out having lolz with the squad? I can’t possibly have a lie in, go on an adventure, party and do all my life admin in 48 hours!?! SO. UNFAIR.


Aaand finally, the real gem: Nobody has their 💩 together. We can all try but really, Google is our saviour.


Who really knows what’s the best electricity tariff to be on. Who doesn’t cook themselves fish fingers and chips when they can’t be bothered to make a proper meal. Who really makes their bed every single day!? For real, who doesn’t trip up on a daily basis, spend most of their money for the month on a festival ticket, live off cereal to save money on lunch and whack their car’s wing mirror on a tree? Because I can definitely put my hands up and say, all of the above has happened to me… (And that’s just in the last month).

Here’s to being not a girl, but not yet a woman. 🍸

Over and out,

P.s. Sorry Mum. I’ll try and cut down the phone calls asking for advice on my latest life crisis.