This is my third draft today. I wanted to write a list of sassy girlboss quotes because I feel like I could take over the World today, but then I realised we all have Pinterest for that. So here’s an old post I hand wrote on the train to Plym a couple months ago, accompanied by a McDonald’s and sat next to a man reading his bible.
This January, I started a new job and with it, the realisation that I’m on countdown to being a full-time working gal for two whole years. The notion of this both makes me sound like a legit adult, whilst simultaneously want to run back under my duvet to hide and pretend that life doesn’t exist.
My legit full-time job count has hit a grand total of 3. A number that’s probably pretty scary for one of those frumpy careers advisors who tell you that a job is for life. Mine didn’t even understand the concept of working in fashion or that a ‘Fashion Buyer’ didn’t just mean I wanted to go shopping full time, so there’s that.
The rollercoaster of jobs have provided me with my fair share of tears and lols, so here’s a list of my ‘learns’ for all of you in this ‘not sure what I’m doing with my life’ shaped boat:
- You will believe you can take over the world on a daily / weekly basis.
Know something your manager didn’t? Finish everything on that epic to-do list? Gurl, you’re killing it.
- You will cry.
At your desk, in the toilets, to your boss in a meeting, maybe just a private tear shed at home. Work. Is. Tough.
- Polite conversation rules:
Monday – Tuesday: How was your weekend?
Wednesday: Jesus, this week has felt long. / Weekend soon!
Thursday – Friday: What are your plans this weekend?
At all times: The temperature of the office.
- You will fantasise about throwing your keyboard at your bosses head.
Because your inner sass queen has to be unleashed some time, right?
- You will become ever more creative with your excuses for being late.
I got sucked down the plughole when I was showering and had to climb my way out? That’s definitely why my hair still hasn’t dried.
- Free office snacks are THE ONE.
Let alone blagging a free dinner – THE DREAM.
- You will have a work husband / wife.
The Tina Fey to your Amy Poehler, you’re the comedy Kings and Queens of the office.
- You’ll find the best hiding places to text / watch tv / snapchat.
Because nobody has time for 110% concentration all day. Unless a potential new employer is reading this… If so, please erase this point from your memory.
- At some point, there will be major work dramz.
From people getting fired, to redundancy to your start-up not getting funding. You’ll never be prepared and it’ll probably happen when you’re on holiday.
You’ll flip between loving that they’re a waste of an hour to loathing not being at your desk and actually being productive.
- The pure joy of achieving something is beyond expectation.
And it’ll sound like no biggie to anyone you tell. (If they’re good friends, they’ll still pretend to be interested / impressed that your tweet went viral, you made a snazzy spreadsheet or that you tidied your desk.)
- Endorsements on LinkedIn are somehow addictive.
And are also my new favourite joke. Good at snacking? Endorse me on LinkedIn or it doesn’t count, bbz.
- You’ll fantasise about leaving, but the thought of applying for jobs is too much.
- The salad days.
No matter how ready you feel you were to move on, you’ll always look back on the lolz, your work family and the perks with a rose-tinted shade of fondness. And then reality hits when you remember all those times you wanted to shut your head in the photocopier out of sheer rage.