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WERK WERK WERK: Put em in the dirt.

This is my third draft today. I wanted to write a list of sassy girlboss quotes because I feel like I could take over the World today, but then I realised we all have Pinterest for that. So here’s an old post I hand wrote on the train to Plym a couple months ago, accompanied by a McDonald’s and sat next to a man reading his bible.

This January, I started a new job and with it, the realisation that I’m on countdown to being a full-time working gal for two whole years. The notion of this both makes me sound like a legit adult, whilst simultaneously want to run back under my duvet to hide and pretend that life doesn’t exist.

My legit full-time job count has hit a grand total of 3. A number that’s probably pretty scary for one of those frumpy careers advisors who tell you that a job is for life. Mine didn’t even understand the concept of working in fashion or that a ‘Fashion Buyer’ didn’t just mean I wanted to go shopping full time, so there’s that.

The rollercoaster of jobs have provided me with my fair share of tears and lols, so here’s a list of my ‘learns’ for all of you in this ‘not sure what I’m doing with my life’ shaped boat:

      1. You will believe you can take over the world on a daily / weekly basis.
        Know something your manager didn’t? Finish everything on that epic to-do list? Gurl, you’re killing it.Point 1
      2. You will cry.
        At your desk, in the toilets, to your boss in a meeting, maybe just a private tear shed at home. Work. Is. Tough.Crying
      3. Polite conversation rules:
        Monday – Tuesday: How was your weekend?
        Wednesday: Jesus, this week has felt long. / Weekend soon!
        Thursday – Friday: What are your plans this weekend?
        At all times: The temperature of the office.
        REPEAT.
      4. You will fantasise about throwing your keyboard at your bosses head. 
        Because your inner sass queen has to be unleashed some time, right?
        sass queen
      5. You will become ever more creative with your excuses for being late.
        I got sucked down the plughole when I was showering and had to climb my way out? That’s definitely why my hair still hasn’t dried.
        FullSizeRender
      6. Free office snacks are THE ONE.
        Let alone blagging a free dinner – THE DREAM.
        free pizza
      7. You will have a work husband / wife.
        The Tina Fey to your Amy Poehler, you’re the comedy Kings and Queens of the office.
        sisters
      8. You’ll find the best hiding places to text / watch tv / snapchat.
        Because nobody has time for 110% concentration all day. Unless a potential new employer is reading this… If so, please erase this point from your memory.
      9. At some point, there will be major work dramz.
        From people getting fired, to redundancy to your start-up not getting funding. You’ll never be prepared and it’ll probably happen when you’re on holiday.
      10. Meetings.
        You’ll flip between loving that they’re a waste of an hour to loathing not being at your desk and actually being productive.
        family guy work
      11. The pure joy of achieving something is beyond expectation.
        And it’ll sound like no biggie to anyone you tell. (If they’re good friends, they’ll still pretend to be interested / impressed that your tweet went viral, you made a snazzy spreadsheet or that you tidied your desk.)
        achievement
      12. Endorsements on LinkedIn are somehow addictive.
        And are also my new favourite joke. Good at snacking? Endorse me on LinkedIn or it doesn’t count, bbz.
      13. You’ll fantasise about leaving, but the thought of applying for jobs is too much. 
      14. The salad days.
        No matter how ready you feel you were to move on, you’ll always look back on the lolz, your work family and the perks with a rose-tinted shade of fondness. And then reality hits when you remember all those times you wanted to shut your head in the photocopier out of sheer rage.
        work

Peace out,
SJW x

 

 

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